Answer this: if you could only choose one person in the entire world to call your best friend, who would it be? You know, if your house was burning down and you could only save one person, who would you save? Or, if you were stranded on an island and could only bring one person, who would you bring? Some of you may be able to have one person locked in. I am completely unable to execute the task.

Allow me to lead with a gross generalization rooted in observational evidence: we are obsessed with absolutes, ultimatums, and hierarchy as a [western] culture. I find myself being pulled in and resisting constantly. What’s your favorite color, TV show, or song of all time? There’s always a qualifier. You can’t have more than one or you’re dubbed completely indecisive, which we are socialized to resent.

Did anyone feel this in youth? I am here to share that it finds its way into adulthood, too.

If you know me or landed on this blog, you already know that my love for meaningful relationships is my own anchor in this world. I created this space to spotlight intentional relationships and ways creativity influences our nourishment of said relationships. You may have even assumed in reading about my late best friend Abi that she is my one, true, ultimate, and only BFF.

However, I’ll default to her to address that assumption. She wrote about why she thought I was a “soulmatch.” We talked at length about how she felt that was different than “soulmate” or singular best friendship among other labels. With soulmates, people often assume that there is one person who another is meant to be with, tied to by fate, and their meeting is completely rooted in destiny.

And to truly drive the point home, there can only be one.

When she introduced the concept of a soulmatch, she dug deeper into what the humans in your life could be. She said, “Taking care of people I love is critically important to me. Maybe it’s hard to remember after I have been out of commission all this time– but truly, taking care of people I love fills me up more than I can describe. This is one of the millions of ways you and I are similar. You’ve always taken brilliant care of me. In fact, people comment on it every single day.

And that, my dear, is because you’re my Soulmatch. We’ve spoken about this before. About how maybe there isn’t one single human that can make a  person happy every single minute of everyday, but certainly a group of people who can band together to make a person feel whole.”

Abi P. Mayer, Dear Kylie

And that, my dear, is because you’re my Soulmatch. We’ve spoken about this before. About how maybe there isn’t one single human that can make a  person happy every single minute of everyday, but certainly a group of people who can band together to make a person feel whole.”

I was excited to add cards and quotes to my shop because words are made up of individual letters, while also forming messages for our loved ones. Letters provide a reminder of deep nourishment for the ones we love to feel affirmed in how much we truly care for them.

The very first card I released was inspired by one of my long-time favorite shows, “The Office.” And while I know there are a lot of true fans, as well as people who don’t think it’s funny at all (yikes), I consider myself someone who is a deeper level, behind the scenes and way too into the weeds kind of viewer.

To be clear, I am actually just a life-long fan of Vera Mindy Chokalingam.

First and foremost, it’s only been in the last few years that it’s started to seem like we have been getting record-breaking #AsianAmericanRepresentation. Mindy is one of the very few Asian American women I have had to see on TV in the last decade. She continues to grow and flourish which gives me true life as a young Asian American woman.

In both of her books, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) and Why Not Me?, she gives insight into her time as a writer on The Office and addresses her relationship with long time friend, once upon a time something-more-than-that someone, and self-proclaimed “soup snake,” BJ Novak.

I know the feeling of trying to identify what your relationship is with someone you hold a strong connection with, and have for some time. There are endless times where that feels grey beyond measure, especially if you both fall within identities in which you may experience attraction. Identifying if there is romantic and/or sexual attraction or if someone is a platonic friend can be challenging in general, but especially for those who connect on such a deep level.

Further, I know what it’s like to form extremely deep connections with friends and wonder if it’s possible to forge such a level of closeness with another soul.

In the case of Mindy and BJ, the most recent interview Mindy did addressing her fans’ lifelong commitment and curiosity to their relationship provided me a feeling of peace and admiration as she held firm describing his role: he is an undeniably close human, woven into her family, connected deeply to her daughter, and not her partner.

Why Not Me? describes the backstory of the famous Michael Scott speech in season five, episode 28 of The Office, “Company Picnic.” While trying to convey that he is not in love with his ex-girlfriend and bestie, Holly Flax, he misreads his own handwritten note. Instead of reading the word “soulmate” he accidentally reads “soup snakes” and then fumbles trying to explain why he chose that title.

This episode was co-produced by Mindy and BJ among others, which many fans don’t realize, but the concept has resonated with me for years as I followed the Mindy/BJ relationship. Mindy shares:

“I think I love the scene because it reflects how love works. ‘Soul mates’ is what you aim for, but soup snakes is what you get sometimes.”

Now in the case of Michael and Holly *spoiler alert* they ultimately find themselves to be more than friends. But as Mindy has tried to say for years, BJ and Mindy are best defined as soup snakes.

I didn’t know how deeply woven into my personality and life Mindy Kaling was, but she also is the person who introduced a best friend ‘tier’ into my world, suggesting that there doesn’t have to just be one best friend but a level of closeness that certain humans reach in your life. Mindy clearly has had a grasp on the concepts of soulmatches long before Abi and I ever did. When Mindy taught me about ‘tiers’ and ‘soup snakes’ I thought: thank you for your simple, obvious, and revolutionary work, sis.

It reminds me of what Abi was trying to tell me before in her rendition of soup snakes: soulmatches. She shared how she and her husband discussed not believing in soulmates or the one person to be their partner for eternity, rather the idea of choosing the person you want to be with as partners each day.

And they continued to choose one another daily.

And in alignment with this difference in perspective from the idea of soulmates, she and I believed that there can be multiple humans who understand you, see you, love you, support you, and complete you. All of them can be your soulmatches. It is important to note that through a romantic and/sexual orientation lens, there are folks who may find this in multiple romantic and/or sexual partners; however I am addressing the holistic community of humans who hold differing roles in your life: best friends, partner(s), and/or family members.

All of your humans connect with your soul on a synergistic level which combined together makes one whole.

All of your humans connect with your soul on a synergistic level which combined together makes one whole.

Kylie, Better by the Letter

Being someone who loves multiple humans very deeply, and knowing they all come together to fill in parts of my soul as anchors to my world, these ideas resonated with me.

I am not into hierarchy, MySpace top eights were the literal devil, and deciding if a partner was more important or less important than a bestie has always been a nightmare to convey clearly to ensure everyone felt important.

I believe that our hearts are our largest organs, figuratively at least. I do not pretend to know enough about human anatomy to determine if it is even in competition for that title, literally. There is so much space to receive love, give love, and celebrate the love in our lives, in as many ways as it presents itself to us. And like many things, we don’t always have to have a label or a quantifier.

However, if at the end of this you find yourself digging the concepts of soulmatches or soup snakes, or some other word(s) or feeling(s) that you’ve decided on, I get it.

I have a handful of soulmatches and soup snakes that I have been fortunate enough to find. I would not be able to get up everyday and work my way through this complicated world without them and the unwavering connectivity that holds me together. My appreciation knows no limit for my humans.

If you too find yourself appreciating your own soup snake/soulmatch/human, write them a letter and tell your them how much you love them.

Or make a card, which is my favorite thing to do.